literature

The Form Letter

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DeliriousDreams's avatar
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Literature Text


To Whom This May Concern,

I’m guessing you know my name is ------------- -------------, and that you haven’t gotten this letter by mistake. If you have, my apologies, I was hoping to reach a prospective employer searching for a specific grade of employee. If not, I’ve got an offer you can’t refuse. Trust me.

Let’s say you and I trade places for a bit, hmm? Supposing I was the one looking for an employee for my business I’d look for someone with traits that I thought were necessary to the job. I’m sure you’re very good at that, and are only reading this because you think I have those traits. Therefore I’d like to affirm your belief now, with this letter, or at least stop you from hiring me, and then spiraling into a cloud ofdespair, out of  which you’ll more than likely fire me for lack of what you were looking for in the first place. Of course, since I’m the candidate for employment here, I want my potential employer to be happy, because if you’re not happy, I’m not liable to be around long am I?

Now, I don’t know about you, but I hate slackers. Slackers make the hardworking efficient structure of your company sag with all the extra weight. Nobody starts out with a fat sagging business plan, and any company expected to hold their own in the current market or any foreseeable market can’t get by with one. Now, I’m more than happy to carry a little extra weight, go above and beyond the call of duty, or job description for that matter, in order to get the job done, because I hate to be a dead weight.

I work hard because I like to be proud of my work. I don’t see the point in completing a job if I don’t think it’s done right. That means projects should be completed to the letter, within the specifications, and the time frame necessary. It means, that if something’s not done right it has to be done over, and it means that I, the employee have to be dedicated, and have to have the best in work ethic. It means that I have to have the focus to see a job through and make sure it gets done. It means that if I don’t have the knowledge needed to complete the task given, I had better get that knowledge, or get off the pot.

I have all three of these traits in spades. You need me to work overtime? I’m your man. You need me to learn something not specified in my original job description, I say that I learn new things everyday, adding one or two new things shouldn’t be a problem. You need me to focus on one job, or multi-task with several projects at once; I’ll give every single task my all, and make sure it’s done right the first time. Your company needs people like that. Your company needs people like me. I’m more than competent. I’m resilient and flexible, and I can guarantee that you won’t regret hiring me.

                                                                                                 Sincerely,                           


                                                                                                  --------- -------------

or, as I like to call it "You Wouldn't Hire Me" a.k.a. "so, you want to work in retail for the rest of your life" ... a.k.a "you want fries with that?"... okay i'm going to stop now.
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blubecki's avatar
Never trust anybody that says TRUST ME.